Spectacle(s).
I remember a time where I only had 1 pair of glasses and I'd always lose them or misplace them...and, without fail, always in times where I needed them the most.
I began wearing glasses just around two years ago. During the first year, I often got annoyed because they constantly had smudges on the inside. I don't have particularly long lashes or anything that would cause the lenses to fog up. Still, several times a day, I would grumble quietly while searching for something to clean them with... usually ending up using my own shirt.
In both situations—searching for my glasses and reluctantly cleaning them—it wasn't until I paused and took a beat that I discovered where I put them last and what I needed to see more clearly.
I had some extra time between meetings this morning to let my already-over-processing-brain run a bit wilder. I've been taking inventory on my recent life's chapters where the following points came to the forefront:
My life is pretty fucking wonderful and full.
I want to live a life where anyone can look at me and say, "damn, they won at life."
Everything has always worked out in my favor.
I. Life is Pretty Fucking Wonderful & Full
Reflecting on my adult life, I often dwelled on the things that didn't turn out as I hoped or imagined. I focused on failed relationships, missed opportunities, and the experiences I wished I'd had. However, as I've grown older, it's become clearer that while I wanted those things and felt genuine pain at the time, they played a crucial role in shaping who I chose to become and influenced my future decisions and actions.
I look at my life today, in this moment, and there isn't one single thing I'd change. I have a home that I love being in and am able to open up to my loved ones, my chosen family are the exact souls and hearts that align with mine, I left a organization of almost a decade that led me to a company that allows me to really spread my wings in the most honest and earnest way, and I've taken chances on opportunities that have reminded me what it's like to get poured back into.
Granted nothing is perfect in life. But, I can say that my glass has been the fullest it has ever been.
II. "Damn, they WON at life."
This makes me think: the decisions we make in life have to be aligned with how we want to move and exist in the world. And, sometimes these decisions are very hard ones to make. This involves being brave - really being honest with yourself. And, sometimes that's really hard. I've been trying to practice this for as long as I can remember. But the older I've gotten the more I realize we have to keep advocating for our own joy and happiness and be relentless in that pursuit. And it is in those series of smaller decisions and choices that lead us to where we want to be.
I read something the other day that really put it in perspective: A 48 year old womxn has an average of about 12,090 days / 33 more summers left. Absolutely morbid, I know. However, it doesn't change the fact that the time we have here is not infinite. Though I don't necessarily take this 100% to heart, the spirit of the message came through very clearly.
The burning question I'm asking myself is: "What am I doing with the rest of what I have?"
The answer, thus far, has been: Whatever it takes to win at life.
III. Everything has always worked out in my favor.
It feels full circle to my original point: every decision and experience had has led me here - to the most fulfilling point of life to date. Everything has truly worked out in service of the full life I have today. My heart is full in every way I can think of.
I don't know what the next day, month, or years look like...but that's the exciting part. And, I trust myself to know that it will always align with winning at life.
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