Reflections.

"We're strangers again, but this time with shared memories..." - Nitya Prakash

2 years ago, I was finishing my inadvertent 2 year roadtrip around the country. I had gotten a very sweet and lovely AirBnB up in the mountains of Healdsburg. The demographic wasn't necessarily mine, but it was what I needed at the time. It was calm, stable and still. Being on the move for 2 years while navigating a very challenging relationship, I needed these things.

I spent a lot of time behind the lens during that time. I'd map out walking tours for myself with a goal each time. One of my most memorable projects was, "reflections."

The objective was a direct capture of my subject via indirect reflections from another object. The aforementioned are 2 of my favorite from the series.

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I recently made the decision and final move to SoCal full time (at least until the end of the year). The move, itself, was one of the worst experiences I've been through. (I'll save details around that for another time.) That said, after splitting time between NorCal & SoCal for 4 months, I've committed to focusing myself in one space.

I've been here for about 3 weeks full time now. It's been really hard finding my stride and routine here - in part because I'm finishing out my commitment to this sublet until the end of the year. I'm itching for my own dedicated place again. It made sense when I was paying for 2 apts and not wanting to furnish 2 places. But now that I'm down to 1, I'm dying for my own things in my own space with my own energy.

I am grateful for this cute space as it's given me a place to land and discover. I've been navigating and putting in a lot of energy in really committing to experiencing LA and building queer community here.

I had put in a lot of energy in going to queer events and meeting people that way. That has been so much fun but also not sustainable for me. I'm not a huge drinker and I can't go drinking every weekend just for the sake of meeting people. So, while still a part of the toolbox, I've taken some focus off of that and finding other ways to experience LA and potentially meeting people.

Thus far, I've been throwing some energy around live shows (music is huge for me), queer activities that ignite other parts of me like ceramics and also putting energy back in creating music...at least sharpening my skills to potentially create again. In addition to that, I've finally stepped into the phase of 1:1 focus time with people I've met. It's been nice to expand in these ways and looking forward to continuing.

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Assumptions & Observations.

Assumptions:

I had a preconceived notion that most people here are pretentious and shallow. That couldn't be further from the truth (for the most part) thus far. Everyone I've met has been incredibly generous, friendly and welcoming. The amount of events and invitations have been so surprising and really kind. Running into familiar faces and having people come up to me has been really nice. I don't mean this in a "look at me" kind of way. But, still feeling like the new kid in class, having folks come up to you and recognizing you takes off the labor and onus on the new kid and it's really relieving.

Observations:

There's an energy here. What I've noticed about folks here:

• People are doers.

• They are creatives.

• People share their social handles vs phone numbers (most of the time) <-- I feel like a grandpa.

  • I took this personally, at first, thinking that was their kind way of navigating things. But even at the non-flirty / friendship level, I've still found this to be the case in getting asked for my social media handle.

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What's Next?

It's been nice hitting the starting point of stillness. When I first started splitting time here, I put so much heavy focus on meeting new people in queer spaces (ie: queer events) and it felt...erratic and too heavily high level.

I've been in a place where I can better balance internal and external; doing things that ignite me as a person. Energy around improving my drumming, taking out my guitar again, more time behind the lens, meeting people outside of drinking events, dedicating energy to smaller gatherings while balancing meeting new people in larger gatherings.

My physical health continues to be a staple in my life. That's been really nice.

I've also been putting A LOT of personal work by way of continued therapy and recently incorporated EMDR. The amount of work there is so intense, but it's proving to be worth it...but fuck, it can be a lot.

What I really want to look for next is queer-friendly meditation. I'd like to identify myself as a "grounded woo-woo." Don't send me to the moon but I do believe in things like human energy etc. But, I'll always have one foot on the ground.

I'm hoping I can find a queer-friendly meditative space for a semi-regular practice. I think it'll really be helpful to slow down and be a forced function to stillness.

Lastly, I recently posted my (forced) coming out story. I was reading through the comments and without my friends knowing, they reminded me and put the focus back on - more than anything else - the importance of being a good person...to myself and to others.

That has been, and always will be, my Northstar and where I will always come back and return to.